I see my reflection in your tears once again
a place that seems much to comfortable
i wonder why we ever started
only to never finish
was it worth the pain, the lies,
the empty feeling the wells up inside every time I'm reminded of you
so ya i'm lost again
the bottom of this bottle now replaces the memories of you
soaked in self loathe
hands shaking, breath short
losing control to even feel normal
if you find me now we only both be lost
so leave me be
this trail of blood only leads to demons
and we lay with guns to each others heads
the trigger already pulled
a soul already gone
tortured beyond life
now resides in a mind that can't be controlled
but it'll be okay she whispers in his her as he falls asleep

this power encompasses all that is
a spirit with an infinite connection
eternal reflections of a non-existent past
a never reached future
and the holy only now
surrounded by enlightened energy
lead by a burning desire for a true high
where i arrive at the exact moment to let go and behold this beautiful struggle
everything for a real reason to create a belief system un breakable by any human possibilities
freedom at last
no restraints restrictions or pain
a persistent of powered intentions leading the composed momentum of my being
finally, but actually always
been here forever before, only to be ignored by the trained digression,
now freely explored
lifted the three that create the unity of existence within a presence of ominous purity
believe me its curable

i like this place
its comfortable
a reoccuring reoccurence to say the least
its stagnant
smells of last nights Jamison and this mornings cutting agents
so easily slipped in and out
intentions to run
but no conventional way to leave
tears of nothingness
not a single fear
just the empty feeling so easily welcomed back into the distraught life
so familiar
so easy
no potential
no truth
just you

Stairs...

find me
lead me
so lost in a maze of questionable choices
why and how do i always seem to find you in the seams
delicately placed throughout each and every moment
can't seem to hold on though
losing you with each breath
each and every touch
closer to understanding us
but further from my self than ever
a balancing act i can no longer persuade to make me okay
the lies leave footprints on your heart
a trail of my insolence
a child lacking all imagination
losing all the beautiful innocent
but evil fuels his misplaced intelligence
and something resides in the fact he can still love
for she reminds him of what he once was
so he holds her so tight
as if the only world he knew
was the body between his arms

God where are you at times like these,
can't deal with this same disease,
i miss your voice,
i miss your breath,
i miss the everything you brought to my life,
i sit here crying dry tears wondering why I ever had fear,
of what we were,
of what we could be,
now im just wrapped up in the same disease,
god damn,
good god,
why couldn't i stop the pain,
why couldn't i be ok,
whats the issue,
what's my problem,
just get up and stop trying to remember,
she doesn't want you,
she doesn't need you,
she probably hates you,
and theres no one to blame but yourself,
so just listen to the record player in your head,
don't worry it will put you to bed
soon enough you will be okay,
that's it though just okay...

21 hours in the City of Angels

i lay here..., my side empty, my heart asking, and my mind breaking,
from the self inflected pain of a heartless asshole,
last to know, first to fall, uncontrolled the entire time,
take these shots, take these lines, and leave me with the pestering hollow feeling of my lies,
give me a minute and I'll tell you I love you, give me a year and I'll break it off smoothly, give me 756 days and I'll destroy your world, give me a lifetime and maybe you'll start to understand,
understand why God gave me life, why the things i do are so conveniently fucked up, and why sometimes I change my mind about changing my brain,
because no matter what i do, truly, it's all for you.